My Life As it Pertains to Me part 4: Ending of One Phase and Onto Another.

At the end of the last story I'd just had my 7th child, was living in the unfinished church house, and my husband and I had been running a construction company for the duration of our marriage.

It is during this next point of the story, that all of the hardships I'd previously encountered in life suddenly seemed easy when looking back from the new place I was in.

At the end of 2008 when our country's economy crashed, construction dried up overnight, which left us jobless and penniless. At the time, my husband had been working with a friend ( who is an amazing, amazing person) at designing a new product and bringing it to market. So now, with no work to do and no luck finding a job, we jumped in feet first and started working what seemed like 24 hours a day to launch this new product and start up a new company. Child number 7 was actually born just one week before our first big trade show.

For the next two years, this new business basically consumed our lives. My husband was gone traveling to promote the company for what accumulated to almost six months out of the year, and while he was on the road, I took care of all the day to day business by myself.

During this time, it was a constant scramble for us to stay afloat. The company was not at a place it could support us yet, and with all of the responsibilities it brought, (not to mention the seven children that needed caring for) neither my husband or I were able to take on another job. I cashed out a life insurance policy, and we did everything possible to stay afloat personally, but supporting a family of 9 on no income proved to be just as difficult as it would seem.

Any amount of pride that was left within my being was ripped out during this time, as I realized there was nothing that I would not do to feed my children, and be sure that we at least were able to keep the power on. We went through a period where our power and phones were constantly on the brink of being shut off, we had no money for food, and definitely couldn't afford to buy even the necessities for our children.

When we were hungry, I learned what the food bank was. When we were in need I prayed; I prayed for everything. I prayed for a new washer when ours broke (twice) and a working one showed up. I prayed for shoes for my kids and was blessed with just enough money to buy them. I prayed for everything from bunk beds that we desperately needed to food for our pets, and we always seemed to be blessed with just enough to get us through. There was never an abundance, and our needs were never met too late, but my prayers were almost always answered moments before it was too late.

I remember crying often, alone in my room where my kids could not know I was struggling to keep them warm, clothed, and fed: and I still remember specific points of desperation that ultimately changed who I am - removing any judgement, self righteousness, and criticism, I previously had towards other people. I learned that no matter how hard a person works, they can't always control the outcome of a situation. And I experienced miracle after miracle that provided for my family in what felt like the face of defeat.

One moment during this time stands out in my mind above the rest, and although it was not at all a miracle, it was a beautiful act of kindness from one of my children that made me realize how affected they were by the state of poverty we were living in, and in a good way.

Number 3 and 4 had worn holes in their only pair of shoes to the point that they were no longer adequate to wear. We didn't have a dime to our name, and were trying to find a solution to the no shoe problem. Our oldest daughter was aware of the situation at hand, and she approached me later in the day with $10 she had saved from her birthday. It was all she had, and she offered it to me to buy shoes for her younger brother and sister. You wouldn't think $10 would buy two new pairs of shoes, but I went to the right place and searched, finding only two pairs of shoes that were $5 each, and just happened to be the perfect size for the two in need. I am still touched by the compassion of my daughter, and have realized since then, that our children (and myself) learned so many valuable lessons of love while were were living in need, that it was worth the pain that we felt while going through it.

We became closer as a family, and more compassionate towards others. And I learned that happiness comes from within - not through things.

It was half way through this two year period of financial struggles that I suddenly ended up enrolled in school for film - with 7 children at home. It doesn't make any form of logical sense, but the way it all fell together at the time did. I can't say enough, how blessed I feel to be studying the art that I'm passionate about, in the hopes that I can enjoy a career in it that will not only provide for my family financially - but will show my children that where there is a will there is a way, and anything is possible if you set your mind to it.

At 29 years old with 7 children at home, and not a dime to my name (literally) I was attending college for the first time. My tuition was completely paid for that first year (and has continued to be) but the school was located 90 miles away and it was everything I could do to find the money needed to get there and back each week....which is where I'll pick up in part 5 of this story.

If you've missed the first few portions of "My Life as it Pertains to me" Here they are:

My Life as it Pertains to Me Part 1
My Life as it Pertains to Me Part 2
My Life as it Pertains to Me Part 3
Next blog:   My life as it Pertains to Me Part 5 
My Life as it Pertains to Me Part 6
My Life as it Pertains to Me Part 7

I'd love to hear from you - whether you hate my life, love it, or have been touched by it, but mostly I just enjoy the therapy of writing about it.

For now,

Life is All Surreal. If you have a dream - seek it out, because it's not going to come calling your name.