The Old Chaps

Oh the old boys, Duke and Dryphus. Two stray dogs that showed up not long after I married. I searched for their owners, but found none, so I kept them. Both males, both with everything still in tact. But amazingly they've always gotten along just fine. Just fine that is until I wisely brought home a new pup of the female gender.

Several years have passed since the old chaps landed on my front porch, and just as our bodies tell the tale of time with age, so have theirs.

For starters, the old boys have gotten grumpier with age. And when that new pup came home a while back, they felt the need to strut their stuff. Constantly trying to show one another up, they'd brawl or growl with every passing. In result I had to begin switching their morning walks to alternate days.

Feeling bad they could no longer walk together I decided to visit the local pet shop and see what solutions they had for me. I found two products that were gold. The first, muzzles. With these I could now walk them together without the fear they'd begin fighting during their senior moments. The second item was a "splitter" or so I call it. This "splitter" enable me to walk the old chaps tangle free, with one leash instead of two.

I couldn't wait to get up the next morning and try out the new fandangled objects.

Day one: I excitedly fitted their muzzles and attached the splitter to ONE leash, and then to each of their collars. I adjusted it to what I felt was the appropriate distance between the two dogs and off we went.

Now, Duke being a lab mix, and Dryphus a malamute mix, they are not small dogs. Which happened to be one of a few factors I hadn't taken into account:

Problem number one:

Two dogs on one arm ends up being double their strength versus half of mine. This posed to be a problem when during our lovely morning walk, which takes place along a country road that sports a 6 foot deep ditch, the dogs spotted several treasures.

They spotted a rabbit, a cat and a pair of ducks all in the ditch. I'm sure you can imagine the scene to follow each sighting. In my unpreparedness they lunged together to the bottom of the ditch chasing each of these creatures. Leaving me face down on the ground grasping at the leash and attempting to hoist them back up to the safety of the road. As I'm no dummy, it only took me 3 incidents before I realized if I saw the creatures first, I could distract the dogs and avoid future face plants.

Problem One; Solved.

Now onto problem number Two; Mastery of the "splitter"

It takes a little time for a dog to realize it is attached to another, and even more time to acquire the skills needed to use the outdoor "facilities" while hooked to another dog.

I mentioned earlier that both dogs are unfixed males. Anyone out there who has ever had the pleasure of a male doggie companion with everything intact, knows any object that reaches the dogs eye level must be marked. You could walk with the dog for 24 hours and the marking would continue until his well runs dry. Even then it does not stop. The dog continues "marking" when there is no longer liquid flowing onto the 6" tall blade of grass. It is quite fascinating to watch as the dog lifts his leg, and gives a little -puff- of air hoping that that last bit of scent is squeezed onto the area.

Marking turns out to be a bit of a problem while two dogs are hooked together at the neck.

The process is amazing. It begins with a little dance where both dogs turn to the right , oh . . .and then to the left, . . oh . .and when that doesn't work they each do a little hop, . . and try to lift one leg over the other dog, . . .but that doesn't work either. Finally they try one last twist/turn maneuver in which they both end up on opposite side of the 6 inch flower head toward tail and they lift their legs. Resulting in the showering of one another in the face, and peeing all over my brand new "splitter".

They then attempt to undo the dance just done, which results in my intervention and a series of untwisting moves to untangle the two. This is a lovely task when the "splitter" is covered in urine. Fortunately after several weeks of practice, Duke and Dryphus have finally learned a maneuver in which only the item being marked receives a shower.

Problem 2: Solved.

Problem number 3: Poopy scoopy

"Poopy scoopy" really has nothing to do with any of the new equipment, but everything to do with the boys' old equipment being a little loose. You see being a good citizen I carry doggie bags with me. Not the kind you bring dinner home from a restaurant in, but the kind you bring poo home in from the dog park in. When leaving the house I have every intention of using them, but the old boys have developed some loose plumbing and they know it. So rather than stop when they need to empty their bowls they've begun to take a "hunkered" form while walking, casually dropping quarter sized dollops every foot or so. Try as I might I cannot bring enough bags, or figure a way to clean this "hunkered" dolloping system off the ground. So to all my neighbors I apologize, and would gladly accept any hunkering advice you may have.

Problem number 3: Not solved.

In defence of my old chaps though, they are old, pushing 70 and 80. Senility, grumpiness, and loss of control have set in. So regardless of their loose bowels, -puffs- of scent, and scrambles to mark anything towering over 6" tall before the other, I still love them. I will still attempt to scoop the hunkered dollops, and separate them when they are senile and grumpy and decide to brawl.

Now a note to my husband and parents, when you become old and senile, grumpy and have loose plumbing, I will do the same for you.

Life is all surreal. Treat the people around you with love, because tomorrow you may not have the chance.

MJB